Old Mill

After the meeting I had with Junior and one of the Dave’s this morning, Dave was telling me about his recent trip with overnight stay for work. He told us that he’d had to stay over in a village with Rob, who works on his section. He’s not particularly keen on him and quite surprised after they’d booked in Rob had looked at the amenities in the surrounding area and offered a trip to the Old Mill to Dave, only a short walk around the corner from the hotel. Sadly for Dave, when they got round the corner, it was actually an old mill, not the pub he was expecting. As soon as they’d got onto the main street he saw the barbers and told Rob he was going to get his hair cut. Needless to say he didn’t enjoy his works outing with his team-mates.

More concerning was the last trip out Junior had been on with some of the managers, where he referred to them as “Coked out of their head”.

Tendon

Dave has torn a tendon in his hand and isn’t in for a few days. The hospital informed him that he must have lifted something heavy. He didn’t know what.
bedfore he went off sick, he was joking all Friday that he couldn’t go to the toilet, because that was too heavy.

Office Smells

Cat came down the office to ask Becks about some trouble she was having with an Excel file:
Cat: “What can I smell?”
Becks:”I don’t know.”
Dave: “Is it a good smell or a bad smell?”
Cat: “Neither really. I was just curious what I could smell.”
Then for all the time she was crouched down between Becky and Dave she was sniffing around, her nostrils flared. Sniffing Becky’s blouse, then turning round to sniff in Dave’s direction. Sadly she left to go back to her own desk without figuring out what or who the smell was.

Flowers

The boss comes in around 9.00 this morning with a big bunch of flowers and gives them to Junior to present them in front of the team to Karen, who left our section of Friday. Junior is not best pleased at having to do the presentation and giving flowers. “I don’t do flowers” he tells everyone. It takes a while for everyone to get in and have their breakfast from the canteen, so it’s about 10.30 when Junior actually calls Karen over and everyone gathers round. She gets upset and tells him that she’s going to cry anyway. Steve does a bit of a speech and hands over the flowers. The boss them puts an arm round her and looks as if he’s taking the flowers down to her desk for her. He then runs down the office and gives the flowers to Dave (Karen’s news boss). As she reaches her new desk Dave says:

“We are cutting costs on our section, and we would like to welcome you to your new job.”

Handing her the flowers she had just been presented with at the other end of the office.

Karen's new manager

Karen told us all that she is leaving us to go and work for another section on the same floor. I knew about this a few weeks ago, but it was a surprise that it had all happened so fast.
Her new boss is going to be one of the Dave’s who’s always making comments of an inappropriate nature, but gets away with it:

“When you start on my section I’ll start sexually harassing you. Then you can put in a complaint and get a big pay-out. By Christmas we’ll have both got what we wanted.”

Interview results

Today we were given the results of the interviews for the latest manager jobs. I went in before Alan and Junior and was relieved to be told I hadn’t got the job. Then I was amazed when Junior came out later and told us that he had got one of the jobs, knowing how much the boss thinks he’s a prat. Then Alan came out, who we thought should get something if anyone was going to, and he had got one too. They haven’t told anyone which sections they will be managing yet though. I was quite happy thinking that we might all fail. Now I’m jealous of the money they’re going to get. I’m now bothered that they might stick Junior as my manager, which a few of us will find intolerable.
Then it was followed by a load of “congratulations manager” back slapping between my boss and the others who had come out successful. I started off saying that I’ll remember Junior as a young office-boy.
Then my boss came out with “I remember when he was Gouldie’s bitch!” towards one of the Dave’s who had also been promoted.

Late 1

George is late in and the troops are talking between each other about where he’s got to and what excuse he’ll have when he turns up. Dave has gone walk-about when George gets in around 10.00 and immediately starts a coffee machine run. Dave comes back and sees George walking towards him.
Dave (shouting): “George!”
George: “What do you want?”
As Dave: “A 52 (coffee with sugar on the machine) please mate.
George heads back to the coffee machine-
Dave: “Did you mean a drink, or did you mean “What do YOU want!””

The pain of childbirth

One of the Dave’s from down the office is Charlotte’s father (who now sits opposite me). Before dinner he came down to ask if she wanted a lift somewhere at dinnertime. I should explain that he and Charlotte’s mother no longer live together, and that he is re-married. He likes to pat her on the head and other fatherly stuff, which Charlotte finds embarrassing, and often tells him to “get off”.
“You’re saying no to the man who gave birth to you?” said Dave.
We had to pull him up about that, but let him say that he helped “give her life”.

He returned later, telling us that he had gone “Through the pain of childbirth”. We also had to point out that he never re-gained his shape afterwards.

Coffee machine capers

Dave hits the wrong keys on the coffee machine:
“Anyone want a 13?”
“What is it?”
“White coffee with sugar.”
“No thanks, not with sugar.”
Jason walks past.
“You have 13s don’t you Jase?”
“Coffee? 14?...Yes I’ll have it.”
He walks off with it. We smirk, knowing he’s got sugar in his coffee.
“Thinking and dancing.” Says Dave.