Paperless Office

On the life hacker I had to comment on the guy's attempts to make his home paperless. What I do is save anything I need to print onto my memory stick, then print it off when i get to work. They have much better, more expensive printers, and they always have ink and paper.

Tall guy

There is a new guy who’s started down the other end of the office who must be about 7 feet tall. This morning he was in early and as he stood at the coffee machine, I was dying to ask if anyone ever dusted the top of it.
When Dan comes in, he is around by the photocopier. I mention the guy to Dan. He says:
“He’s not 7 feet tall,…he’s only,…about 6 feet 8.”
We laugh, then watch the guy walk up the office, to see if he hits his head or ducks when he goes past the signs that dangle from the ceiling.

Here's Rachael

Rach is always asking if she can get a mention on my blog. She really doesn’t do anything to be blog-worthy normally, but last week she told us her story of how her husband (Si) looked her in the utility room when they were having an argument. This had us in stitches, not least because she was laughing about it all the time she was telling us about it. She explained that their utility room was added on to the kitchen, so the alarm system doesn’t cover it, she they have a big deadlock on the door between the kitchen and utility. I asked if she couldn’t go out the utility and walk all the way round and let her-self in the front door. But she said that she didn’t have any shoes on. She told us how hard she banged on the door and shouted to be let in. He told her to be quiet because she would wake up their little boy sleeping upstairs. He wouldn’t let her back in until she had calmed down. In the end she reckoned that he’d kept her locked out for at least fifteen minutes. We suggested that she keep a spare pair of shoes in the utility in case it happened again. Then I suggested that she keep an axe hidden somewhere in the utility (I reckoned that you could buy a small axe from the pound shop, they sell big knives and meat cleavers), so that she could hack down the door and scare the crap out of Si, just like in the shining.
Then when she came in on Monday and we were exchanging pleasantries, she told me that Si had locked her out again.
Si sounds an odd character as well. Apparently well built, but not keen on opening the door to strangers. If the doorbell goes, Rach told us, he runs into the living room and whispers “Who’s that?”. Then she will tell him “I don’t bloody know without answering it.” Then she will have to answer the door. He won’t answer the phone if it rings either.

Alan's Krispies

Alan has taken to bringing in his own Rice-Krispies, rather than having bacon or sausage sandwiches for breakfast. This morning Steve and me crept up behind him when we were preparing to go down to the canteen and told him “That’s not a man’s breakfast.” He had his mouth full, but gestured towards us with his hand.
Waiting by the lift door:
Steve: “Are Rice Krispies not a man’s breakfast?”
Me: “No. They are a …child’s breakfast. Only one step up from Coco Pops.”

Junior's sweets

Junior has taken to bringing in sweets for his section, which he keeps in a container in between his and Chris’s desk. Over the months he has brought in some odd concoctions. This week though was probably one of the weirdest choices. His container consists of stuff like sherbet dabbers (which no-one has tried yet), and candy necklaces (Dolly Beads that you wear round your neck and bite off pieces one at a time). We doubted that anyone would eat these, let alone wear them round their neck in the office. Clive was the obvious choice to talk into doing it, but he was off on his flexi-day. Then we got on to discussing what a handy way to eat your food, and why no other types of food were presented in this way – on a bit of string round your neck.
Me: “Kebabs would be ideal. String together a chunk of pepper, a bit of onion, then some chunks of beef.”
Steve: “Yes, then Clive could snack on it throughout the day, and never have to move very far.”
Me: “The only problem would be the chilli-sauce stain around his neck.”
Karen: “EEuur!”

Gloves on in the Canteen

We were at the front of the sandwich queue this morning at breakfast time when the girl that serves the sandwiches was brought to a halt. Her boss came along with a thick woven glove and told her to put it on. They apologised for the hold up and explained that some woman at a canteen up north keeps cutting herself, so everyone working with sharp knives in any of their canteens now has to wear one of these gloves. Steve explained that it was made of Kevlar. Her boss helped her on with the glove, then told her to put a latex glove over the top of that. It looked like it wouldn’t fit over the top, but together they managed it.
“Now bend over” she said across the counter to us, when they had got the latex glove on. We laughed. Her boss told her to try it and see how she got on with it. She struggled to cut the sausages for my sandwich, telling us:
“I’m careful, I never cut myself.”
Then once she’d got the sandwich together she tried to grab a paper bag off the top of the pile, to put my sandwich in. “I can’t open the paper bags to put the sandwiches in.”
Steve and me both grabbed at the bag to open it up for her. I don’t know how long she lasted with it. We’ll see if she’s still wearing it tomorrow.

A Fine Greeting

This morning I’m over Karen and Alan’s side of the office chatting when Junior comes in
Junior: “What are you doing over my section.”
Me: “Just come to say hello. Make sure you’re all working.”
Junior: “I was just about to pick a job up. Honest.” (sounding very defensive)
Alan: “First one all week.”

Snow

It snowed on Friday and Eric asked how I got on going home on Friday night. He has to catch the bus and was worried about the buses being cancelled. As it happened it only snowed for a while, then turned sleety, then rained a bit, so not much snow stuck. I had left early on Friday anyway, but Eric told me that there was a mass exodus as soon as the snow started to fall. It was odd because it started off nice and sunny when I started to drive home. Then all of a sudden the sky went white and the snow started.
Eric was telling me that he had gone to the toilet before he left on Friday. Jim had followed him in and while they were peeing Jim asked him if he remembered four years ago when there was about six inches of snow fell. Eric told him he remembered that year. . Jim said that he would never forget it. Trying to be jovial while they were mid-stream.
Eric: “Why? Did you get mistaken for a snowman on the way home?” (Jim has grey/ white hair)
Jim: “No, that was the night my Dad died.”

Cloverfield

The big thing this morning has been Cloverfield. Mark came in early and told me he’d been to see it, and told me all about it. Then Alan came in and told me how great he thought it was too. I wanted to know if you do get to see the monster, or is it all just implied, like the Blair Witch thing.
“Yes, you do see the monster.”
“What’s it look like then?”
“It’s green…like an alien thing”
“Is it like Godzilla? Or is it more of an insect looking creature?”
“It’s like the body of a lizard, but with a round kind of head.”
Later, when I talk to Alan about it, he tells me there are small parasitic dog-like creatures that live on it’s face. These jump off and bite people. If the dog creatures bite you, you become infected and explode.
“Great.” I tell him, “I love watching people explode.”
Karen pulls a funny face to show that she’s not keen on people exploding on screen. Apparently you only get to see one woman explode, and that is behind a screen. Also, at some stage, the creature has tentacles as well.
Mark and Alan both seem to like the fact that it is all supposed to be shot like it was filmed on a camcorder, just from one groups perspective. They particularly enjoyed the Statue of Liberty being de-capitated, and the head rolling along the street.
I go on to say that Manhattan, being an island, is susceptible to amphibious monster attacks. Karen gives me a funny look again. But there are a few other films where New York City is attacked and destroyed, like Godzilla. I’m surprised that they haven’t built any sea defences by now.

Mark2 and Dan are in late, they’ve both been to see Cloverfield over the weekend. Mark asks Dan what he thought of it.
Dan: “I didn’t enjoy it. The camerawork was too shaky. Made me ill.”
Mark2: “There was a warning at the start of the film.”
Dan: “Yeah, but I thought I could take it.”
Mark2: “…I thought the films you get off Nigel were shaky” (joking about his dodgy DVDs. In truth Nige doesn’t download the terrible “camcorder” versions that are just filmed by someone in the cinema, when you get people getting up to go to the toilet in front of you.)
Nige had his headphones in, so he either couldn’t hear, or he was pretending not to hear.