No Fun Sunday

One of the guys in the office walked in first thing on Monday and announced that he had been on the toilet all Sunday. One of the girls said that she had been sick all Thursday. He said this was just diarrhea, with no sickness,

“I just felt like I had to go to the toilet all day.”
“Did you have enough
company toilet paper?” asked one of the other girls.

(He collects the part used rolls of toilet paper from the toilets in the morning, because he found out that the cleaners throw them away and put new ones on every day anyway). He carried on to tell us that all he did yesterday was iron and go to the toilet. He had told us about his routine of getting up at 7.00 in the morning on a Sunday and doing all the ironing. He then complained about his wife’s fancy clothes from Next. I don’t mind a few pleats, but when there’s twisted material, or on bit joined to another.

Lottery Winners

With the rollover for the Euro millions being £66,000 everyone has got lotto fever, and they all wanted to have a go. Jason told us that if he won he would smash up his house, which is quite disturbing. When the conversation changed to if he would come back to work, he told us that he would come in to work to rub everyone's nose in it. He was going to park his new Porsche sideways across the disabled parking bays (I don't know what the disabled have done to him).

Jason: "I would buy everyone in the building breakfast, ...but put a £2
limit on it."
Me: "Why would you put a £2 limit on it if you'd won millions?"
Jason: "You know what people are like...someone would take the piss."

He finished off his fantasy and then askwed what I would do. I told himk that it was so unlikely to happen that I hadn't given it much thought.

Me: "You're more likely to drop dead in the office of a heart
attack."
Jason: "Thanks Ed...ou really know how to look on the bright side."

Tendon

Dave has torn a tendon in his hand and isn’t in for a few days. The hospital informed him that he must have lifted something heavy. He didn’t know what.
bedfore he went off sick, he was joking all Friday that he couldn’t go to the toilet, because that was too heavy.

Grand Result

I have moved from one end of the office to the other recently, and I can already tell who is going to be the new star of my blog.

Friday brought the usual Grand National sweep. Lester had organised it and brought round the list of horses with the odds and the space for writing the name in one column. He’d also got a plastic cup full of the names of the horses for picking out. Jason took out one name, then while Lester was busy writing down names, he saw that it was a 100-1 outsider and put it back and picked out another name. He was happier with his second choice Black Apalachi, being only 14-1. On the Monday he was mad because he had thrown the winner back in. To rub salt into the wounds, I had pulled the winner out after him. He suggested we share the winnings, because without him throwing the winner back in, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to pick him out.

Wrist action

Junior has a group of friends he goes drinking with, who he managed to get jobs for here. One such friend, Darren, Was walking past this morning and he gave him some abuse about the previous night out. It turns out that they had been playing darts (they are bottom of the league). His friend had lost his match, and so his team had lost. Intrigued by this I asked:

Me: “Did you win your match then?”
Junior: “Yes, of course.”
Me: “With your broken wrist? How do you manage?”
Junior: “Well it does give me a bit of a problem if I get it in the wrong position.”

He gestures as if he’s throwing his dart. Becky is silent, covering her mouth in case she bursts out laughing at him.

Indiana Eric

Eric comes to work by bus and has brought himself a new hat for keeping the rain off him. It’s a brown thing with a brim all round. With his brown leather jacket he looks like he wants to be Indiana Jones. Clive and myself have mentioned it to him. I’m not sure how much stick he must get on the bus and in the street.

Cancer Awareness

There was a cancer awareness day on down in the canteen. There was one stand which was devoted to stopping smoking, but had no takers, I took a look and asked if I could have some stuff for Tom, the only guy on our section who smokes. I took him some literature, but also a mouse-mat and pen with “National No Smoking Day” on.
Then there was a stand for breast and testicular cancer awareness, which included a pair of breasts and a set of testicles, which were supposed to show what abnormalities you should look for. Clive was down there for some time so we were joking that they couldn’t get him away from the breasts.
Later on the women from the office went down and told us all about what they had got up to down there. They reckoned that one of the men doing one of the tests was nice looking and had lovely eyes. So when he got round to asking if any of them had got any questions Julie came out with “What are you doing tonight?”
She said he had nice eyes and a big red face.

Broken wrist, broken record

Junior was going on yesterday about how he thought he had broken his wrist. He told us that he had punched a wall for reasons that he couldn’t explain properly. So he spins his wrist around both ways as he’s telling us that it doesn’t feel right:

Becky: “If it was broken then you wouldn’t be able to move it you idiot.”
Junior: “No, it is broken …look.”
He then grabs his bad hand with his other hand and pulls his hand back as far as he could.
Junior: “See, it hurts when I do that.”

We couldn’t help but laugh.
Becky: “It’s supposed to hurt if you do that…It hurts if I did that to my
hand…fool.”

Pool Clash

For a number of years now Neville, from the sixth floor, has been organizing Pool Tournaments to include anyone at the company who wants to join in. People bring their mates and they all seem to have a good time. Friday night was the latest one, so this morning I asked Tim and Clive who had won. To my surprise they tell me it was abandoned halfway through due to a fight breaking out between someone's uncle who had come to play and Stuart from a department further up the office. They all got thrown out and Neville isn't even sure if they'll be banned from going back again, or if the boss will let him organize another one in the future.