Cherry picking

Ned had taken a weeks annual leave to go and visit his family down south. When he got back he had brought a big basket a cherries in with him to share.He explained that he had been picking cherries at his dad's house. "Stuck up the tree for three days, with a bucket round my neck," he expanded. "Like a flippin' monkey. While my dad and brother watched him from their garden chairs."Apparently, many years ago, it had been his idea to grow a fruit tree. So every year he goes to pick the cherries off it. Entrepreneur as he is, he managed to pick 8KG, which he sold to the local shop.

Offspring

Jason got a shock a few weeks back. A young lady that he had been friendly with about 9 months ago texted him to tell him that he was a proud father.Now fatherhood is a weird thing to have thrust upon you unexpectedly; obviously he had mixed emotions about it all.Then his next thought was Paternity Leave (two weeks extra holiday for nothing).It was left to Ned to work out everything with HR; was he entitled? What proof did he need that he was the father?In the meantime Jason was showing photos of his offspring around the office on his phone.With the comment "He looks like me doesn't he?", obviously strengthening his case.
Apparently the young lady's Caucasian boyfriend, who was now living with her, was a little confused that his new baby had a coffee coloured complexion.

After a couple of days of asking around, we got a visit from a HR bod, who told us that all he needed to do was sign a disclaimer saying that he was the father, and he was going to spend two weeks bonding with his new son.Then that was it. We had to cover for the next two weeks while he managed to get an extra two weeks paid annual holiday.The girls in the office, who had all had legitimate Maternity leave in the past, it's more difficult to fake if you are a lady, were all spitting feathers.

Jumper clowns

What is it?;mid August and torrential rain. Chris is off today starting his journey to Reading for the festival.Little chance of him getting sunburnt this year.I got into the office this morning and a couple of the lads had dug out jumpers to wear over their workshirts.

Taking the pee

It's been an interesting week. I'm really worked up this weekend with the brand new IT Crowd series 4 starting, & Glastonbury, & the World Cup match on Sunday with Germany.

Then this afternoon I got an e-mail containing the word "urine". It was from the Occupational Health Department, about one of my guys with kidney stones, who she's had to write a report on.

Chips with everything

When I first saw this I thought "Great I could have all my staff chipped, so I know where they are at all times."

But you know that they would all be off with computer viruses.

Fitting achievement

Today, an achievement of sorts. Our team was the first on our floor, and possibly the company, to get a "Fit Note" sent in. One of the guys is off work with kidney stones, which I am told is painful. I can't really see the point of changing. No doctor is going to enquire that far into what their patient does for a living, and decide whether there are other duties they could carry out which the employer may or may not agree with.

Hairy Deb

The team that sits next to ours get on much better with each-other, and take it in turns to buy biscuits. This morning there was only one biscuit left, and everyone was being too polite to take it.
“It’s an English thing, isn’t it? Not taking the last one” said Les.
“I’ll have it shall I?” Said Deb.
“Ah, there you go,…” said Les “That’s the Greek in you.”
“What else would you say was a Greek thing then?”
“Being smelly and hairy” said Les.
“…Especially the women.”

Smart lad

Since Lee has moved into nice new apartments near the city centre he has been shaving and had his hair cut, even wearing ties on odd days. I asked him if it was because all his neighbours are smart young professional types, and he doesn't want to look the only scruff in the buiding. He just smiled.

Simples

Ned has a weird habit, because he is quite small, of standing up momentarily to look around to see who is about- just like one of those meerkats. I'm thinking of getting the guys to tell him "simples" whenever he asks how things are going.