U Pillock

Sue came down the office to ask for some help. She had a print-out with a user ID (based on the initials of the first name of the user, followed by 4 numbers) on it, but didn't know who it was from:

Sue: "Do you know how to get on that part of the portal which lets you
search for people's user IDs?"
Junior: "Yes..." (clicking on his screen) "...who are you trying to
trace?"
Sue: "This number on the bottom here...U3491."
Junior: "That's easy, that'll be..."
Me: "Go on then! Think of a name that begins with a U!"

(Thinks for a while)

Junior: "...er...Uppal?"
Me: "That's Ghurmak's surname."
Becky: "Ursula!"
Junior: "I was going to say that."
Me: "Do you know of an Ursula that works for the company?"
Once he'd typed it onto the screen it came back with no results for that
name.
Me: "It's probably a temporary user ID that IT must use for things. I'd try
them."
Becky: "Onslow, like the bloke off "Keeping up
Appearances"."
Sue: "That begins with an O."

Later the best name we could come up with was Ullyses