Course

I was quite shocked by the guy that has been taking the course I have been on for the last couple of days. He's an old Yorkshire-man in his sixties and for some reason during the coffee breaks, probably because the other people on the course were much younger, he kept coming over and talking to me to ask how I thought the course was going. We got quite chatty and he was telling me all sorts of stuff about where he was going to consult for the rest of the week, and being his own boss he could spend the following week just playing golf.
So during one of the coffee breaks, while we were down one end of the tea-room, he told me that he had been biting his tongue quite a bit over the time we had been on the course. Where he came from there were very few people of different race, and he was used to talking about them in quite derogatory terms. I could understand that the area where I work is quite multi-racial, but he actually came out with the word "n1**er", which shocked me partly became there were no actual black people on the course, only an Indian girl and a mixed-race girl.
I didn't know whether I was happy with him confiding such things to me.
He was quite odd in other ways, such as saying "electroplating" instead of "electrocuting" when we were discussing the Health & Safety element of the course.

Jason's trip

Before I went on holiday, Jason was telling me about his cousin who had been invited on a hen week holiday in Spain. Jason was telling him he should go, and get him an invite too.

On my return on Monday, Lee told me that Jason had booked the holiday- at last minute- and had gone at the weekend. He had just split from his on/off girlfriend and was enjoying his freedom now. He thought it would be great, just him and his cousin and about ten young ladies.

Lee had got a text from Jason at the airport though saying that the girls were very noisey, I'm not sure that they will last the week with them.

Short shrift

One of the women in the office has left us in the lurch and gone on maternity leave for four months. So this week we have interviewed five temps to replace her. One of the guys that we saw was tiny and looked like he should still have been at school. He was actually in his twenties and had a previous job before being made redundant. My boss, who was interviewing with me, is quite short anyway, so when I went back up to the office after the interview to ask the others what they thought about the little fella no one could believe he had left school.

I had to add my own thoughts though. That my boss would have had someone who would look up to him.

Jason forgets his clothes

Curiously someone had made Monday dress-down day instead of Friday. Of course about a third of the staff forgot over the weekend and came in their usual clothes. Jason, for one, forgot completely. He’s taken to cycling into work though. He came in late on Monday because he had forgot his trousers, so he had caught a taxi back home and come back with his usual work trousers on. He was a bit unhappy to find two thirds of the staff in jeans. He made us laugh last week though because he had forgot his underpants, so had his cycling shorts on under his trousers. He asked to have a half days holiday for the afternoon because he was so uncomfortable sitting at his desk with them on.

The same theme tune

I am finding Nev increasingly difficult to take seriously. He talks about motivating the staff, yet seems the least motivated of the bunch, and most active to try and move on. When he gets a bollocking from his manager he always passes this down and tells everyone to cut out the chat and joking around. He always laughs at Jason though when he comes out with one of his stories. But most of all I find him really funny when he is trying to come out with a well known phrase that someone else has obviously used to him, but he can’t remember properly. Today he was passing down a bollocking and came out with:
“We have to all be singing from the same theme tune, or whatever.”

Playing Fast Ball with the boss

I still get the odd e-mail from my previous boss. I'm not sure if the term fast ball really goes with the word faffing. I think that just using the term fast ball makes him a dickhead:

“Team, please be advised that the attached is a bit of a fast
ball!
There appears to be some confusion of who should be completing
the Diversity Course – Managers, Team Leaders or both.
As it only takes
an hour and all training is good training, save faffing about, can you all
please complete the course before the end of the month.”

Nev's new laptop

Nev has had his desktop PC replaced with a laptop. He had it for the week before he went on holiday. The first day he was late in because he had to turn round and go home to fetch it. For the rest of the week he was wittering that he was going to forget it one day. On his first day back off holiday, yesterday, he came in asking if there was anyone off on holiday today. I pointed out that Jason was off sitting two exams.

“Good he said, I can use his machine for the day.”

Then sheepishly in a quieter tone:

…”I’ve left my laptop at home.”

Suspicious Security man

There is a big TV screen in reception which gets turned on around dinnertime, for some reason, showing Sky News. Allan and myself came out of the revolving doors to go home early one afternoon. The picture on the screen was that of the paedophile that was involved as a suspect in the Madeleine McCann investigation. The security guard, at the reception desk, standing underneath the screen showed an amazing resemblance to the photograph. I pointed it out to Allan, but we didn’t turn him in to the police.

Swine Flu Update

A couple of weeks ago we got this e-mail:

Swine Flu update
Updated swine flu advice for managers
You may have heard
today that a case of swine flu is suspected on site. The individual concerned
here.
This note is to explain the situation to you so that you can deal
with any concerns your team may raise. It is not designed for onward cascade but
to help you answer questions in a low-key way.
While we should remain
vigilant and follow simple hygiene measures, at this stage a positive diagnosis
would not result in a need to change our business as usual behaviour or
practices.
As such, there is no need to avoid travel here.
What this
means
In an organisation the size of ours, it is perhaps inevitable that we
will see cases at some point during the outbreak.
Steps we have
taken
Today both the Central Pandemic Planning Group and the Incident
Management Team met to ensure we respond in line with our pandemic action
plans.
What you should do
This note is not for onward cascade but
please read through it and prepare for any questions your team may
have.
Supporting your team
The information below will give you the details
you need to answer any questions or concerns that your teams may have. Should
you need further detail, refer to the Portal, where you can read the latest
swine flu update and follow links to NHS advice. The risk of infection remains low. Close
contact, meaning within 1m for an hour or more, is needed for the virus to
potentially spread from person to person. We should all remain vigilant and
follow simple hygiene measures as this is the single most effective way
to slow the spread of viruses including swine flu.

John, one of the Team Leaders of another section shouts:

"Have you had that e-mail about the swine flu? It says to avoid travelling to
here.
No I haven’t had that one. They must have only sent it to Team
Leaders, they don’t care about us operators…Does that mean we can all go
home."

Later on:

“I think we should be told if it’s anyone in our department… not necessarily who
though.”
“I think they should tell us who, and then make them wear a big
yellow star on their shirt…or an orange jump suit.”
“John, re-read your
e-mail…it says you don’t have to avoid travelling here.”

John starts coughing very unconvincingly. We all laughed.
John adds:

"You’re more likely to get killed on your way home tonight."

Sue:

"Thanks for that John."