Monday, 7 November 2011

Computer movements

I think I had explained in earlier blogs that the company had been taken over and then sometime in the summer the new company had positioned second computers, screens and keyboards on everyone's desk; ready for the change-over. This left us with very little desk space. Then a couple of weeks ago we found that some of the new computers, which were just lying idle on the desks had been spirited away...nicked.
There was some talk of police involvement and security footage being watched, although security isn't the greatest and I imagine the police would just laugh at them for leaving the computers out, unused for anyone who wanted to, to pick up.
Today the IT guys came round to take them all away again. Partly because we will be moving floors at the end of November, for a while at least, while the air-conditioning is fixed. We aren't sure if we will be returning to the same floor, or if we will remain on the second floor.
Surely they would have been better off leaving the new machines in storage rather than leaving them for months on the wrong desks.

Diwali 2

Diwali was a bit more "in your face" this year. The canteen had got a special menu on for the week, not that I would try their effort at Indian or ethnic food. I asked a few of the guys in the office what it was all about, with a few different interpretations. Mostly it seemed that the asian blokes all had to go and meet their counsins and possibly less closely related friends in big gatherings in the pub. Hiten went missing the one morning, coming in really late with a hangover. Vits showed up later than normal on the Friday with a terrible hangover. Although they all assured me that they had to do it because it was a "religious thing".

Monday, 31 October 2011

It's for you

Lester and John are going to be greatly missed when they take their severance at the end of November. They were keeping everyone entertained first thing this morning again. Lester had been given and old LG phone which he hadn't got a clue how to work. He asked John if he would let him phone his mobile so that his number would come up on the display, so that he could find out what his own number was. John read out his number sloswly so that Lester could input it into his phone. When he'd typed in the number he then realised that he didn't know how to ring it. I shouted down: "It'll be the left hand button." Stu was closer and told him to hit the green button, but it didn't show up green until he hit it. He managed to dial, then John eventually answered his phone, although he took his time because his ring gets louder with each ring, and he liked to listen to it get louder, for some reason. John answered the phone with a "Hello Lester, are you phoning in sick again?" Then he read out Lester's number to him. Then Lester asked about if it would come up on the display as John next time he phoned John's number. So we explained to him that that would only happen if he had John in his contacts list. Of course; he didn't know how to input his number in to his address book.
By dinnertime Lester was complaining that he would never get the hang of the phone and that he was going to give it back.


There was a special menu on down in the canteen for halloween, which got us talking about what we would cook for a nice halloween meal, when we went down for breakfast. Most things involved pumpkins, but Hiten and myself became a bit more inventive. I decided that a nice meatball mixture made into the shape of a brain would be good. Then I could stick holes in it, filled with tomato sauce, then with either prawns or thick spaghetti coming out of the holes to look like maggotts. It was only until it was too late to order that I found some brain molds here;

Friday, 7 October 2011

On yer bike

Downstairs where the support guys live, Daz had told me on Monday that Sean, who cycles to work, had been involved in an accident that morning and was in A & E. He reckoned it wasn't a big smash, but he didn't know if his ribs had broken or not.
He was back in this morning telling me that the "fat had stopped him from being hurt too much". He had a badly bruised/swollen thumb and his left arm had been badly grazed. He explained that at the time he leaves for work it is still dark. At the junction with the traffic lights he can usually get up the left hand side of the cars; if not he jumps up onto the pavement where there was a dip in the kerb. However, that day he couldn't fit through the side of the cars, but they had been resurfacing the road, and the jump up onto the kerb was now a couple of inches.He went one way, on to the pavement, while his bike went along the kerb and into the car. He reckoned it was all in slow motion, and then he was lying on the floor for 5 minutes, winded. When he got up a bloke had come over to him, he thought to help him, so he told him that he was alright and that he could go. The bloke said that he wasn't going anywhere. He was the owner of the car that his bike had hit and he wanted some details from him.He looked at the blokes bumper and told him that it was only scuffed and that it would wipe off. Then the bloke, who Sean had gestured; only came up to his nipple area; said he was going to punch him.

"I've just come off my bike and you want to hit me?" he said.

They did exchange addresses and apparently this bloke had threatened him on the phone yesterday about paying for his damage.

Sean said "I wouldn't mind giving him £50 to have his scuff buffed up, but I ain't paying for a new bumper. The bloke was a prick."

I asked if Daz was in today. Sean told me that officially he was and that you could contact him on his mobile, but he knew that he was off, pointing at his bosses empty chair.


Looking at one of the Council's notifications of new house naming and numbering this morning I was fairly amused to find somebody had been allowed to call their new house "The Tardis". I shared this with a couple of people on the e-mail. In reply I got:

"I think it’s going to be built last year."

"Modest exterior houses a surprisingly spacious interior with modern d├ęcor."

& "Doctor on call 24-7"

In his pants

There was a lot of talk this week that there was going to be Dress-Down Day every Friday from now on until everyone leaves. There was nobody to confirm this, we were all waiting for the boss to send out a mail confirming this. John even told Neil that it was Dress-Down Day today. So he felt a pillock on Friday when he ws the only one in the office in jeans & teeshirt. Jason was threatening to come in plain clothes anyway. Ned told him that if he did, he would make him work in his pants. He repeated this on Friday too. Jason said that there was something wrong with him to want to see him in his pants. He went on to tell him that he was wearing his Sesame Street Cookie Monster Pants.

Thursday, 29 September 2011


Surprisingly;Bob came in on Monday with his compact digital camera and asked if we could all have our group team photograph taken, as that this was one of the last times that everybody would be together. He asked me if I minded organising the others. I told Ned; who thought it would be a good idea after the initial surprise. Unfortunately Ned went missing after dinner. So I spoke to the others, who Iwas shocked to find were all up for it, and organised it for Tuesday.
Just before dinner we all decided that we should have it taken outside in the sunshine, and grabbed Sam from one of the other departments to take it. he took two on Bob's cameraand two on Kerry's i-phone. Sadly Jason was playing up, sticking his fingers up for the first one and making more lewd gestures for another couple. Out of the four, only one of them was useable. I'll have to post the photo once I've annonomised all the faces.

Sunday, 4 September 2011


There are a lot more wasps about this year. They aren’t to be taken too lightly. Earlier on in the year Lee was stung by one at this desk, and his hand swelled up quite a lot. I can’t remember if I blogged about that, but I had to take him to the Asda to get the pharmacists advice; and ended up buying him some anti-histamines.

On Friday though there was one in the office. The air conditioning isn’t working and as the day wears on the office gets really hot, so we have to have fans on and open up the windows as wide as possible to get some breeze flowing through. I hadn’t noticed the wasp; engrossed in my work of course; until Vits and Jason shot up out of there seats and headed towards me.

My manager was in, and asked what the problem was. Jason was keeping a safe distance from the wasp, near the manager’s desk.
He said “I’ve never seen you move so fast.”
Jason replied “Only when I run from police and dogs.”
“And wasps!” said my manager.

The wasp flew up into the strip lighting unit above Jason’s desk and stayed there for a while. When it flew back down Lee opened up the windows as wide as possible and wafted the thing out, before slamming the windows shut behind it. Later on there were a couple of wasps on the window looking to come in.