Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Playing Fast Ball with the boss

I still get the odd e-mail from my previous boss. I'm not sure if the term fast ball really goes with the word faffing. I think that just using the term fast ball makes him a dickhead:

“Team, please be advised that the attached is a bit of a fast
There appears to be some confusion of who should be completing
the Diversity Course – Managers, Team Leaders or both.
As it only takes
an hour and all training is good training, save faffing about, can you all
please complete the course before the end of the month.”

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Nev's new laptop

Nev has had his desktop PC replaced with a laptop. He had it for the week before he went on holiday. The first day he was late in because he had to turn round and go home to fetch it. For the rest of the week he was wittering that he was going to forget it one day. On his first day back off holiday, yesterday, he came in asking if there was anyone off on holiday today. I pointed out that Jason was off sitting two exams.
“Good he said, I can use his machine for the day.”
Then sheepishly in a quieter tone:
…”I’ve left my laptop at home.”

Suspicious Security man

There is a big TV screen in reception which gets turned on around dinnertime, for some reason, showing Sky News. Allan and myself came out of the revolving doors to go home early one afternoon. The picture on the screen was that of the paedophile that was involved as a suspect in the Madeleine McCann investigation. The security guard, at the reception desk, standing underneath the screen showed an amazing resemblance to the photograph. I pointed it out to Allan, but we didn’t turn him in to the police.

Swine Flu Update

A couple of weeks ago we got this e-mail:
Swine Flu update
Updated swine flu advice for managers
You may have heard
today that a case of swine flu is suspected on site. The individual concerned
This note is to explain the situation to you so that you can deal
with any concerns your team may raise. It is not designed for onward cascade but
to help you answer questions in a low-key way.
While we should remain
vigilant and follow simple hygiene measures, at this stage a positive diagnosis
would not result in a need to change our business as usual behaviour or
As such, there is no need to avoid travel here.
What this
In an organisation the size of ours, it is perhaps inevitable that we
will see cases at some point during the outbreak.
Steps we have
Today both the Central Pandemic Planning Group and the Incident
Management Team met to ensure we respond in line with our pandemic action
What you should do
This note is not for onward cascade but
please read through it and prepare for any questions your team may
Supporting your team
The information below will give you the details
you need to answer any questions or concerns that your teams may have. Should
you need further detail, refer to the Portal, where you can read the latest
swine flu update and follow links to NHS advice. The risk of infection remains low. Close
contact, meaning within 1m for an hour or more, is needed for the virus to
potentially spread from person to person. We should all remain vigilant and
follow simple hygiene measures as this is the single most effective way
to slow the spread of viruses including swine flu.

John, one of the Team Leaders of another section shouts:

"Have you had that e-mail about the swine flu? It says to avoid travelling to
No I haven’t had that one. They must have only sent it to Team
Leaders, they don’t care about us operators…Does that mean we can all go
Later on:

“I think we should be told if it’s anyone in our department… not necessarily who
“I think they should tell us who, and then make them wear a big
yellow star on their shirt…or an orange jump suit.”
“John, re-read your
e-mail…it says you don’t have to avoid travelling here.”

John starts coughing very unconvincingly. We all laughed.
John adds:

"You’re more likely to get killed on your way home tonight."


"Thanks for that John."