Wednesday, 31 December 2008

New Year

There’s been a lot of sick people about the office, with colds and flu about. I’ve had two weeks off with a nasty dose. When I got back in at the start of this week Junior had got a cold, which he said had been bad for a few weeks, but he’d managed to drag himself in. On Monday it had got a bit much for him and he went to his doctors, who gave him antibiotics. With New Year approaching I said to him:
Me: “What? You can’t drink any alcohol over New Year then?”
Junior: “I can
can’t I? I asked the doctor if there was anything I had to be
careful about,…could I still drive? and so on.”
Me: “Yes, you can still drink
with antibiotics. I had you going for a while though.”

The boss is temporarily sitting near us this week:

Boss: “Can’t wait for the Hogmanay Show tonight.”
Junior: “’ You stopping in
Boss: “You have to at my age…Which member of staff are you seeing

Cold Start

The boss comes in this morning and comments on the cold weather:
Boss: “We need it though.”
Me: “Why do we need it?”
Boss: “To kill all the
rats…You know they say that you’re never more than six feet away from a
(We look around, we’re on the fourth floor, we give Junior a second look - he has a rat type face)
Boss: “There’s been a big increase in the rat population recently. They have to
keep eating to maintain their body fat, or else they die.”
He certainly knows a lot about rats. He goes on to tell us about the rat problem at his previous house which he found out was due to his neighbour feeding them.
Me: “So why aren’t there so many birds around this year?”
Boss: “Don’t know.
Do you know why?”
Me: “No.”
Boss: “I thought you were trying to catch me
out…I’ll certainly find out for you though.”
Me: “weren’t there fewer bees
about this year as well?”
Boss: “Bees?”
Me: “Yes bees.”
Boss: “I don’t
Me: “I’d heard that if the bees die off, then it’s only two years
before man becomes extinct.”
Boss: “That’s not something Dave told you is
Me: “No, that was a proper expert on the TV.”

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Pep talk

With loads of people off sick, or with time off to do their Christmas shopping, we are struggling with the amount of work that has come in. junior decided to mention this to the boss:
Boss: “You’ll have to do a Churchill style speech,…rally the troops.”
(He saunters over to Andy’s desk)
Boss: “Come on Andy pull your finger

What? No bacon!

Yesterday we all had egg on toast or just toast because the canteen would not sell sausage or bacon following the Irish pork health-scare. we got sent this e-mail just before we were going down for breakfast. Today they had some bacon, but no sausage again:

The Food Standards Authority of Ireland (FSAI) is requiring
the food industry to recall from the market all Irish pork and pork products
produced from pigs in Ireland.
This recall has been called following FSAI
test results indicating the presence of dioxins in animal feed and pork fat.
Dioxins are chemical contaminants and although there are natural sources of
dioxins, dioxins are usually formed as by-products of industrial combustion and
chemical process
The FSAI are currently investigating the extent of
contamination but have indicated that the risk to consumer health is "extremely
low". However, it is illegal for dioxins to be present in foodstuffs and
therefore the recall has been issued.
This means that there will be no bacon,
sausage, ham or pork based products being sold in the Restaurant until further

We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause

Saturday, 6 December 2008

It's shit up North

Dan had read this, that people's hands are dirtier the further north they live.

Dan (reading): "The further north they went, the more often they found commuters with
faecal bacteria on their hands - men in Newcastle were the worst

Eric: "So does that mean if we are around half way that we're only 50% as dirty?...Do you think it's the hand that we wipe our arse with that gets dirty then?"