Raqueeb's stress ball

The one section of the office erupts with laughter, and it takes them a while to compose themselves so they can relate the tale to us. Raqueeb comes up and tells us that he was going through Jason’s desk looking for a stapler. He found what he thought was a black ball. Thinking it was one of those stress relief balls he squeezed, only to find that it was in fact a left over plum from fruit day, and the juice went all over his pale blue shirt. Steve was laughing so much that he was crying.

Eric not really juggling bananas by anyone's standard

And here eventually is Eric juggling bananas. unfortunately he cannot juggle, we managed to talk him into having a go. He starts off with two, then (as he requested) I throw the third one in when he gets going.

Steve juggles left over bananas

Steve has a go at juggling with some left over bananas this week. He had a fair number of goes at it. It’s apparently much more difficult then the apples and stuff. The funny bit for us was Nige says “He’s in a rhythm now” just as he drops them.

Absence of manager

I am one of the more senior staff left in charge this week, with virtually all the bosses and team leaders swanning off on holiday. This is part of the e-mail my boss sent round before he left on Friday:
"Absence of Manager
Team,

As discussed this morning, as I will be homeless and likely to be living in the print room from the 21st of September, I am taking next week off as holiday to go ‘house hunting’.

As a consequence, the support of the Data Technicians will be more important than usual in ensuring that it is only a ‘holiday’ for those that have booked it!

As previously directed, there will be no overtime on Sunday the 26th of August. Now, given that the Team Leaders that usually do overtime are all out that week, there will also be no overtime on Sunday the 2nd of September. (Carl – Please ensure that Double Dee is aware of this!)

Kind regards"

That is the standard of his management skills, he really has sold his own house from underneath himself and is now desperately looking for somewhere to live.

Meanwhile- back at the "coal face" it was fruit day again. I've got lots more takers for fruit juggling since I put steve on You tube. There's been lots of juggling going on (a kind of audition), although once you've got one video of someone juggling with fruit, it does seem a bit much to clog the rest of my blog up with more of the fools.

Steve juggles with fruit

One of the Steve's juggling with leftover fruit.

Morale (Fruit and mints diet)

Since getting his promotion, Junior has wanted to create better morale in the team. At his previous job they had pool tables and other such niceties to make the staff more relaxed and feel special. Fruit and mint diet. He does this in small steps, so one of his latest schemes has been to bring in a selection of mints (humbugs, soft-mints, glacier mints), but he’s only kept these for his small section, rather than spreading it throughout the rest of the team. So partly to piss him off and partly because I fancy a mint occasionally, I like to put a couple of mints in my pocket each time I have to go near his desk. I’m not sure if Junior has realised yet, but plenty of other people have seen me doing it.
I’ve also become more conscious about my waistline, and have been avoiding the sandwiches from the canteen in the morning. Instead, I’ve been having bits of fruit.
This morning Alan asked if I was going down for breakfast (this is before Junior has got into work yet). I explain that these days I am avoiding the breakfast sandwiches from the canteen and am on a diet of fruit and mints, which they have a bit of a laugh about. Alan and one of the Steve’s go down for breakfast, leaving me talking to Eric (who doesn’t have breakfast anyway) discussing if I could convince him to be filmed trying to juggle for my blog.
Junior came in late, so the others had all been down for breakfast. He does manage to get Karen worked up enough to go down for a sandwich in the canteen with him. I noticed they had both gone, so I saunter over to grab some more mints, and to see what’s going on.

Me: “Has she taken him off to give him a bollocking.”
Alan: “No they’ve gone down to the canteen for breakfast.”
Me: “I’ve managed to convince Eric to be filmed juggling for my blog.”
Eric: “ No you haven’t!”

Alan has been off for a couple of days. I ask him about the new blog he’s set up, but only put one post on as yet (meant to be a way of giving himself something to do rather than play World of Warcraft with all his spare time). I tell him about the “Road-show” IT laid on yesterday, when we all managed to come away with a free 512 memory stick, which we’d also managed to clear up does not contraband the IT policy to use on your works machine. Alan pointed out that it only takes one person with a virus on their home computer to bring the memory stick back into work and infect the rest of the company. We then go on top reminisce about the old viruses, like the “cookie monster virus” and some that Alan had written himself, that just sat on the machine, then randomly minimised and maximised whichever windows were open on your machine, which sounds like good clean fun.

Just then, while my hand is in the goody jar, Junior and Karen come back. I keep my hand closed tight around the mints, and asks them what they’ve got.

Me: “I thought you’d given up the fatty breakfasts from the canteen?”
Junior: “This is my first one for a few weeks. Aren’t you eating the sausage sandwiches any more?”
Me: “No I’m watching my waist, I’m on a new diet of mostly fruit.” (deliberately not mentioning the mints)
Karen: “…And mints.”

Fruit Day again

It’s fruit day again (only the second one this year) and there’s already trouble. When the fruit bowls are distributed around the desks some people go round and decide that the others have got more grapes or plums than they have. We are actually queuing for breakfast when they come round, so when we get back up and see our allocation, some sod has pinched all but two of our grapes. Nige takes it upon himself to right the wrongs of the fruit pinchers, and goes round to inspect what everyone else has got and commandeers some grapes (like a green grocer Robin Hood, re-distributing the wealth of grapes).
In the afternoon Sarah gives us all a laugh by asking if she can “pinch our plums” and all the double entendres that follow about plums etc. With “juicy pears” being brought into play, we are hoping to see some melons next week.

Fruit Day

Like last year, for a couple of months during the summer, Wednesdays were declared “Fruit Day”. Around 11.00 on the Wednesday morning we get bowls of fruit distributed through the office, which you imagine would be a good gesture, but usually there is a lot of wastage. Usually the easy to eat fruit (bananas, grapes, etc) all goes very quickly, so you are left with oranges,(which are impossible to eat at work), apples, pears and nectarines (which are much less popular. At some stage last year they even had pineapple and melons (cut into pieces of course). Then the left over stuff remains lying around the office for the rest of the week, until Thursday afternoon and Friday become “Fruit football” days, where the left over apples and oranges are rolled down the office, kicked around, or lobbed at people’s heads.