Thursday, 20 March 2008


There are two weird things about Easter and Good Friday where we work. Firstly, if you have an old contract then you have Good Friday off as a Bank Holiday. Where as anyone with a new contract has an extra day holiday instead. By March though, they have usually used up all their holiday. So on Friday there is the weird situation where all the bosses and senior staff are off, yet all the junior staff are in the office, with the place to themselves. Secondly, this year all the team leaders have bought Easter Eggs in for all their staff, which has obviously been done because of an instruction from on high. So there are very odd scenes of senior staff walking round with carrier bags full of Easter eggs, having to grin as they hand out the eggs to the staff, who they aren’t that keen on anyway. Then all the staff think that it is an odd gesture, and that they would prefer a cash pay-increase rather than an empty token gesture.

Nige's nose update

Nige got discharged this morning, even though his nose was still bleeding, with “Two tampons stuff up his nose.” He doesn’t have the black eyes that he expected.

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Nige's nose

Today's Nige's last day at work before he goes in for his operation for his nose to remove his polyps and possible re-align his nasal passage. Everyone was wishing him luck and asking him about what was going to happen. He's going to have two or three weeks off to recuperate. He tells us that the two doctors he saw told him two different things about what was going to happen. One of them said they were going to drill into his nose at the top of his septum. The other said they were going to break his nose and drill into the bone. Sorry if you're eating your breakfast.
Nige: "I'm not too sure what it's going to look like when they've finished."
Dan: "Is it going to be keyhole surgery?"
Clive: "No it's snot-hole surgery!"

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

Rachael and the nurse

Rachael was on the phone on Monday morning, by the sound of it she was trying to book an appointment to see the nurse, which she must do every so often to get the pill. She couldn't get past the receptionist for some reason. when she came off the phone she said "Sod it, I'll just have loads more babies, that'll teach 'em."

Friday, 7 March 2008

Call of Duty

Some of the guys in the office have started playing “Call of Duty 4” against each other in the evenings over the internet. These are the ones who don’t play World Of Warcraft. They come in some mornings complaining about being shot by who ever. A couple of those who play are involved with the TA, and it can be worrying when Jason walks in and says things like “There’s something strangely satisfying about shooting your workmates.”

Jason is giving Nige a bit of abuse.
Jason: “He starts an argument then puts his headphones in…oh he can hear me, he’s got a daft smirk across his face.” (then he goes and pretends that he’s going to throw something at him, and Nige puts his arms up to protect himself)
Mark: “Is someone having a go at one of my team members?”
Jason: “He’s your team member now is he?”
Mark: “Oh Nige, I thought you were going on about Steve.”
Nige: “I’ve been on this section longer than you, I should be team leader.”
Mark: Pause “…Technically you’re correct…” (giggles from everyone) “but at the end of the day that’s not how things are done.”
Nige: “I helped you out with the technical questions…you only got Ricky doing the interviews”
(more laughter from the bystanders).


Ever since Clive got a new chair, with a full back and much more padding (because he complained about his bad back), Dan and Nige have been on at Mark to get them a new chair. In order for this to happen Mark has to do an assessment of the way they sit at their desk, and when they feel pain. Dan has had an assessment done and Mark has informed him that his chair should be coming in a couple of weeks. Nige, however, has never bothered to have an assessment done. Every time he hassles Mark about it, Mark tells him the same thing. Fill in an assessment request on the portal.
This time Nige had got out of his seat to go to the printer, So Mark decided to sit at Nige’s machine and fill out the online form for him. As he’s doing it he’s supposedly reading out what he is typing:
Mark: “My name is Nigel, I am special. Can you please fix it for me to have a special chair?”
Nige: “You’re not writing to Jim’ll Fix It.”