Monday, 8 September 2008

Chinese doctor

Dave had been to have acupuncture at a Chinese doctors’ last week. He wanted to lose some weight and stop drinking, which had caused his knee to flare up (gout). He had told us all about it, having long needles stuck through his ears, through his knee and down his back. Remarkably he had stopped craving drink and was now only drinking water or soft drinks. Hazel had heard of his great result and went to see the Chinese doctor too to help her loose weight and stop drinking. She hadn’t told us this though. The boss came to tell us this, after he had offended her:

Boss: “You know Hazel has been to the Chinese doctor to help her loose weight and get a man?”
Steve: “A China man?”
Boss: “Anyway, she was telling Dave about it and I walked in on the conversation half way through. She said “The worst thing about it was when I was standing there in front of him in my bra and pants.” So of course I was a bit shocked."

Then he went into smirk mode and you could tell the rest of it was made up.

Boss: “Anyway, this Chinese doctor tells her to get on all fours and crawl away from him. Then he tells her to face him and crawl back. He gets her to do this a couple of times then the doctor tells her “you got zakary disease.” (in dodgy Chinese accent)…”What’s that?” she asks him. “Lady, your face look zakary like your arse.””

We laughed.

Boss: “Everyone else laughed up the other end of the office, except Hazel. I’m not sure if I’ve offended her.”

Friday, 5 September 2008

Eric’s act of kindness

Eric very kindly asked everyone for their drinks order around dinnertime. He asked Cat, who has hers in a mug, and took her mug. Then he asked Becky what she wanted.
“I’ll have a coffee thanks. ..While you’re up, can I be really cheeky and ask you to put those in the bin for me?”

Handing him her pot noodle pot, salad container and drinks can. We erupted into laughter as Eric politely declined.

Tonsils and testicles

Somehow on Thursday afternoon we got chatting about tonsils. Junior had got a sore throat and was eating cough sweets one after another, and he told us about his tonsils being too big to be removed. We were surprised that anyone could have tonsils too big to operate on. He then told us that doctors don’t remove tonsils anymore. So Becky started going round the office asking if any of them had their tonsils removed. Everyone had theirs still intact. Then the boss came down the office after a coffee and saw there was a bit of a commotion. Rather than settle down to some work, Becky caught the boss’s eye:

Becky: “Have you had your tonsils removed?”
Boss: “You what?”
Becky: “Have you had your tonsils taken out?”
Boss: “Tonsils?...No. I have got three testicles though.”
Becky: “Really?”
Me: “Isn’t that a load of bollocks?”