Thursday, 30 April 2009

No Fun Sunday

One of the guys in the office walked in first thing on Monday and announced that he had been on the toilet all Sunday. One of the girls said that she had been sick all Thursday. He said this was just diarrhea, with no sickness,

“I just felt like I had to go to the toilet all day.”
“Did you have enough
company toilet paper?” asked one of the other girls.

(He collects the part used rolls of toilet paper from the toilets in the morning, because he found out that the cleaners throw them away and put new ones on every day anyway). He carried on to tell us that all he did yesterday was iron and go to the toilet. He had told us about his routine of getting up at 7.00 in the morning on a Sunday and doing all the ironing. He then complained about his wife’s fancy clothes from Next. I don’t mind a few pleats, but when there’s twisted material, or on bit joined to another.

Friday, 24 April 2009

Lottery Winners

With the rollover for the Euro millions being £66,000 everyone has got lotto fever, and they all wanted to have a go. Jason told us that if he won he would smash up his house, which is quite disturbing. When the conversation changed to if he would come back to work, he told us that he would come in to work to rub everyone's nose in it. He was going to park his new Porsche sideways across the disabled parking bays (I don't know what the disabled have done to him).

Jason: "I would buy everyone in the building breakfast, ...but put a £2
limit on it."
Me: "Why would you put a £2 limit on it if you'd won millions?"
Jason: "You know what people are like...someone would take the piss."

He finished off his fantasy and then askwed what I would do. I told himk that it was so unlikely to happen that I hadn't given it much thought.

Me: "You're more likely to drop dead in the office of a heart
Jason: "Thanks Ed...ou really know how to look on the bright side."

Friday, 10 April 2009


Dave has torn a tendon in his hand and isn’t in for a few days. The hospital informed him that he must have lifted something heavy. He didn’t know what.
bedfore he went off sick, he was joking all Friday that he couldn’t go to the toilet, because that was too heavy.

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Grand Result

I have moved from one end of the office to the other recently, and I can already tell who is going to be the new star of my blog.
Friday brought the usual Grand National sweep. Lester had organised it and brought round the list of horses with the odds and the space for writing the name in one column. He’d also got a plastic cup full of the names of the horses for picking out. Jason took out one name, then while Lester was busy writing down names, he saw that it was a 100-1 outsider and put it back and picked out another name. He was happier with his second choice Black Apalachi, being only 14-1. On the Monday he was mad because he had thrown the winner back in. To rub salt into the wounds, I had pulled the winner out after him. He suggested we share the winnings, because without him throwing the winner back in, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to pick him out.