No Fun Sunday

One of the guys in the office walked in first thing on Monday and announced that he had been on the toilet all Sunday. One of the girls said that she had been sick all Thursday. He said this was just diarrhea, with no sickness,

“I just felt like I had to go to the toilet all day.”
“Did you have enough
company toilet paper?” asked one of the other girls.

(He collects the part used rolls of toilet paper from the toilets in the morning, because he found out that the cleaners throw them away and put new ones on every day anyway). He carried on to tell us that all he did yesterday was iron and go to the toilet. He had told us about his routine of getting up at 7.00 in the morning on a Sunday and doing all the ironing. He then complained about his wife’s fancy clothes from Next. I don’t mind a few pleats, but when there’s twisted material, or on bit joined to another.

Cancer Awareness

There was a cancer awareness day on down in the canteen. There was one stand which was devoted to stopping smoking, but had no takers, I took a look and asked if I could have some stuff for Tom, the only guy on our section who smokes. I took him some literature, but also a mouse-mat and pen with “National No Smoking Day” on.
Then there was a stand for breast and testicular cancer awareness, which included a pair of breasts and a set of testicles, which were supposed to show what abnormalities you should look for. Clive was down there for some time so we were joking that they couldn’t get him away from the breasts.
Later on the women from the office went down and told us all about what they had got up to down there. They reckoned that one of the men doing one of the tests was nice looking and had lovely eyes. So when he got round to asking if any of them had got any questions Julie came out with “What are you doing tonight?”
She said he had nice eyes and a big red face.

Broken wrist, broken record

Junior was going on yesterday about how he thought he had broken his wrist. He told us that he had punched a wall for reasons that he couldn’t explain properly. So he spins his wrist around both ways as he’s telling us that it doesn’t feel right:

Becky: “If it was broken then you wouldn’t be able to move it you idiot.”
Junior: “No, it is broken …look.”
He then grabs his bad hand with his other hand and pulls his hand back as far as he could.
Junior: “See, it hurts when I do that.”

We couldn’t help but laugh.
Becky: “It’s supposed to hurt if you do that…It hurts if I did that to my
hand…fool.”

Healthy

For reasons known only to themselves the powers that be have installed a machine downstairs that measures weight, blood pressure, body mass index, heart rate, and few other things. It’s there for six weeks and they are encouraging people to try it each week to see if they lose any weight, fat, or height. People were queuing along the corridor and the people in charge of instructing people how to use it were telling people that it takes 5 minutes to run through the programme, so some of them will be waiting for over an hour. Of course the skiving element made a day of it. I went down with Chris and Eric, mid-dinnertime (people weren’t going to use their dinner hour to do it, if they could skive off during work time) when there was just one woman using the machine. I came out as slightly portly for my age. Eric came off really badly with a high blood pressure reading, which he put down to being really nervous of people watching him. Chris got a certificate of skinniness, but got very anxious because his blood pressure was close to being average for his age. He scared himself into thinking that your blood pressure just carries on going up as you get older. We tried to explain that low blood pressure is just as bad as high blood pressure, and that being average was good, but he wasn’t convinced.

Thanks to Biggest Loser Club for the photo.

Tonsils and testicles

Somehow on Thursday afternoon we got chatting about tonsils. Junior had got a sore throat and was eating cough sweets one after another, and he told us about his tonsils being too big to be removed. We were surprised that anyone could have tonsils too big to operate on. He then told us that doctors don’t remove tonsils anymore. So Becky started going round the office asking if any of them had their tonsils removed. Everyone had theirs still intact. Then the boss came down the office after a coffee and saw there was a bit of a commotion. Rather than settle down to some work, Becky caught the boss’s eye:

Becky: “Have you had your tonsils removed?”
Boss: “You what?”
Becky: “Have you had your tonsils taken out?”
Boss: “Tonsils?...No. I have got three testicles though.”
Becky: “Really?”
Me: “Isn’t that a load of bollocks?”