Chinese doctor

Dave had been to have acupuncture at a Chinese doctors’ last week. He wanted to lose some weight and stop drinking, which had caused his knee to flare up (gout). He had told us all about it, having long needles stuck through his ears, through his knee and down his back. Remarkably he had stopped craving drink and was now only drinking water or soft drinks. Hazel had heard of his great result and went to see the Chinese doctor too to help her loose weight and stop drinking. She hadn’t told us this though. The boss came to tell us this, after he had offended her:

Boss: “You know Hazel has been to the Chinese doctor to help her loose weight and get a man?”
Steve: “A China man?”
Boss: “Anyway, she was telling Dave about it and I walked in on the conversation half way through. She said “The worst thing about it was when I was standing there in front of him in my bra and pants.” So of course I was a bit shocked."

Then he went into smirk mode and you could tell the rest of it was made up.

Boss: “Anyway, this Chinese doctor tells her to get on all fours and crawl away from him. Then he tells her to face him and crawl back. He gets her to do this a couple of times then the doctor tells her “you got zakary disease.” (in dodgy Chinese accent)…”What’s that?” she asks him. “Lady, your face look zakary like your arse.””

We laughed.

Boss: “Everyone else laughed up the other end of the office, except Hazel. I’m not sure if I’ve offended her.”

Eric’s act of kindness

Eric very kindly asked everyone for their drinks order around dinnertime. He asked Cat, who has hers in a mug, and took her mug. Then he asked Becky what she wanted.

“I’ll have a coffee thanks. ..While you’re up, can I be really cheeky and ask you to put those in the bin for me?”

Handing him her pot noodle pot, salad container and drinks can. We erupted into laughter as Eric politely declined.

Tonsils and testicles

Somehow on Thursday afternoon we got chatting about tonsils. Junior had got a sore throat and was eating cough sweets one after another, and he told us about his tonsils being too big to be removed. We were surprised that anyone could have tonsils too big to operate on. He then told us that doctors don’t remove tonsils anymore. So Becky started going round the office asking if any of them had their tonsils removed. Everyone had theirs still intact. Then the boss came down the office after a coffee and saw there was a bit of a commotion. Rather than settle down to some work, Becky caught the boss’s eye:

Becky: “Have you had your tonsils removed?”
Boss: “You what?”
Becky: “Have you had your tonsils taken out?”
Boss: “Tonsils?...No. I have got three testicles though.”
Becky: “Really?”
Me: “Isn’t that a load of bollocks?”

Free phone calls

The only thing that’s going on over this side of the office is the on-going saga of Becky’s new car and her missing spare key. She’s had the car for a week now and spent most of her time phoning the garage trying to find out when they are going to have her key, which they have had to order in. If she isn’t phoning the garage she is phoning her Mom or her boyfriend. We have IP telephones now, which you have to log-on to, but which follow you around whatever desk you get moved to. Becky’s desk phone rang on Wednesday afternoon:

Becky: “Who’s that ringing me?”
Steve: “Answer it and find out.”
She looks at the display on the phone:
Becky: “Oh…It’s my Dad.”

That’s one employees take on the company telephone policy.
Yesterday Chris’s dad was in hospital with internal bleeding. His mobile had no charge left, so he came over to me to explain the circumstances and asked if it would be okay to use the desk phone to ring home to see how he was and if he would be able to go and visit him straight after work.

Moving Seats

This week I moved seats following my promotion, which starts properly on September 1st. I was very sad to leave my chair of about 3 years, and I will miss all the fun conversations I had with Dan, Rach, Clive, and the rest of them. Over this side of the office the dynamics are all wrong. Everyone is out to impress everyone else, and nobody seems to have any funny stories. I can’t see all the way down the office anymore to see what the other sections are up to and I can’t see the coffee machine, which used to be the hub of activity that was blog worthy. Eric is taking my chair on Monday, and I’m giving him instructions to inform me abouit everything I miss. It’s probably a bit much to ask him to write it all down for me, I might as well hand my blog over to him. The one good thing about my new chair is the fact that nobody can see my monitor, so I could try and write some more of my novel in the quiet periods.

Flowers

The boss comes in around 9.00 this morning with a big bunch of flowers and gives them to Junior to present them in front of the team to Karen, who left our section of Friday. Junior is not best pleased at having to do the presentation and giving flowers. “I don’t do flowers” he tells everyone. It takes a while for everyone to get in and have their breakfast from the canteen, so it’s about 10.30 when Junior actually calls Karen over and everyone gathers round. She gets upset and tells him that she’s going to cry anyway. Steve does a bit of a speech and hands over the flowers. The boss them puts an arm round her and looks as if he’s taking the flowers down to her desk for her. He then runs down the office and gives the flowers to Dave (Karen’s news boss). As she reaches her new desk Dave says:

“We are cutting costs on our section, and we would like to welcome you to your new job.”

Handing her the flowers she had just been presented with at the other end of the office.

New phone number

Junior was giving out his new company mobile number and asking people for theirs. We weren’t that happy to give out such information, but if he came up on caller display we could just ignore him (since we only have them on vibrate in the office anyway). Mark has been off for a few weeks with a bad back and Junior tried to phone him to se how he was progressing. When Mark called back Junior was out of the office in a meeting, Mark called me instead. I passed on the message from Mark, but Junior still wanted his number, so I read it to him off my display:

Me: “0785……”
Junior: “Hang on I haven’t got that far yet.”
Me: “How far have you got?”
Junior: “A far as the K in Mark.”

Eric in late

Eric gets in to work just after 9.30 and thinks he’s managed to sneak in. After the weird team brief which Paul was held up as a shinning example to the workforce Paul now gets some stick too:

Me: “Eric. Good morning.”
Eric: “Morning.”
Jason: “What time do you call this? Paul’s been in since half past seven”
Paul: “I was waiting for a comment.”
Eric: “Oh. I don’t need to get in too early because I know Paul is in grafting away, clearing all the work.”



Eric: “Who put this fan on? Was it you?” (to Paul)
Jason: “He needs something to cool him down at the speed he goes.
I was thinking of bringing in my dry cleaning to use the steam he gives off.”

Karen's new manager

Karen told us all that she is leaving us to go and work for another section on the same floor. I knew about this a few weeks ago, but it was a surprise that it had all happened so fast.
Her new boss is going to be one of the Dave’s who’s always making comments of an inappropriate nature, but gets away with it:

“When you start on my section I’ll start sexually harassing you. Then you can put in a complaint and get a big pay-out. By Christmas we’ll have both got what we wanted.”