Junior's trouser comedy

Junior has been single handedly trying to kick start the economy this week with his terrifyingly large disposable income, now that he has split from his girlfriend and moved back in with his mom & dad. He is interviewing most of our section on Friday for the four promotions that are available. He decided on Monday that he needed some newer, smarter clothes to conduct the interviews in, having heard that the rest of the section were buying new clothes ready for their interviews. So he told us that on Monday evening he had gone late night shopping and tried on virtually everything in the shop. He listed the amount of stuff that he had bought. Then made us laugh when he told us that the shoes that he’d brought back were both left shoes when he opened the box, and he had got his dad to take them back and change them for him.
Then the other morning he came in late and explained that it was because of his new trousers. We had to ask him why his new trousers had made him late. So he explained that in the shop under artificial light he thought they were grey. So that morning he had put them on and paired them with a blue shirt. However, on leaving the house and going into the daylight, they looked more like a brown colour. So he had to go back into the house and change his shirt, because you can’t wear brown trousers with a blue shirt.
We all examined his trousers and decided that they could pass for grey or brown. Then later discussed the fact that hwe wouldn’t have bought the trousers anyway, and his new wool coat looked like a girl's.

Cake commotion

Jason had kicked off complaining that Rick had bought one of the Steve’s a piece of cake down the office, but not a piece for him. Eric overheard all this and got involved, to the extent where Jason had flicked him the Vs. when Jason came over to the coffee machine I had to shout over:

Me: “Who’s got cake then?”
Jason: “Dave.”
Me: “What kind?”
Jason:
“Carrot cake, I think.”
Me: “No chocolate cake?...have a word with him…tell
him to get it sorted."

Dan's breakfast

While the canteen is being renovated for a few weeks we have a telephone ordering system in place, whereby one person phones in an order then goes and collects it from the back door of the canteen. So that nobody gets the wrong order they ask you to quote your telephone number when you order, then tell them your number when you go and collect it. For the past three weeks I’ve been doing this for anyone who has been in before 8.30. However Dan has been coming in later and having to fetch his own or get his order tagged onto someone else’s order.
Today he had to order his own and went down to collect it , some time after 9.30. A little later, while I was talking to Eric and one of the Steve’s over near Dan’s desk my mobile rang. I saw it was Dan ringing me:

Me: “Hello, what are you up to?”
Dan: “I’m downstairs. Can you do me a
favour?”
Me: “Yes…what do you want?”
Dan: “Can you go over to the phone on
my desk and tell me the last two digits of my phone number?”

I had trouble keeping a straight face. So fighting the need to burst out laughing I told him his phone number (overheard by Eric and Steve):

Steve: “He’s forgotten his own phone number?"
Me: “Yes…(almost crying with
laughter)…and he can’t get his sandwich without telling them what it
is.”
Eric: “Surely he could tell them what he wanted and they could figure
out which one is his?”
Me: “He’s probably not thought of that has he.”

It takes us all a while to stop laughing, then five minutes later Dan walks through the door with his breakfast and sets us off again.

Ban her!!

Becky has got a date for the driving course that she has to attend, or face a driving ban. She was moaning:

“Two hours of the course is just about avoiding hazards!”

This is the girl that went into the back of a parked car, writing off both cars. Personally, I would ban her.

Junior Smells

In the middle of the afternoon Junior goes over to Cath’s desk and says:

Junior: “Can you smell something around here?”
Cath: “What is it?”
Junior:
“Is it you Chris? Have you let one go?”
Chris: “No!”

I couldn’t smell anything myself over my side, but couldn’t help smirking at the way he had just come out with his accusation. Junior walks up and down for a while sniffing:

Junior: “It’s Ed, you can see him smirking.”
Me: “I’m smiling at the tone you
accused Chris in.”
Junior: “Oh.”

He carries on talking to Cath for a bit, then looks over at Andy:

Junior: “I reckon it’s Andy, he’s looking guilty.”
Andy: “It’s not.”

He lets the sublect drop then, as if he's started things off to deflect suspicion from himself.

Glen's Tears

I’m at the lift on the ground floor this morning when Glen comes through the revolving doors at the entrance. (He catches the bus in and walks). The stunning blonde, who doesn’t say much, is also waiting for the lift. Glen says hello to the both of us:

Glen: “It’s a bit nippy out there…my eyes are watering.”
Me: “Are you sure
it’s the cold making your eyes water, or are you starting to cry as you walk
into this place for another day.
Glen: “It’s possible.”

Junior's WOW day

Junior is over in one of the meeting rooms adjudicating the tests which will determine who gets an interview for the promotions. There are eight people in each session, spread out throughout the day.
The boss comes over and asks where Junior is:

Me: “He’s over the way, adjudicating all day.”
Boss: “With Alan as
well?”
Me: “Is Alan over there as well?.”
Boss: “You know what they’re
doing, don’t you?”
Me: “Playing World Of Warcraft remotely on their laptops?
Or, working hard on some presentation or other.”
Boss: “Did you know Junior
is a 79er?...Alan is only a 76er…It’s all very sad…penis envy. Only I think
they’re talking millimetres.”

We have a laugh. Then as he walks away he turns to Julie:

Boss: “That’s around three inches. You were looking worried.”

WOW what a disappointment

The World of Warcraft set were very disappointed in the end. Tom told us this morning that the 24 hour Tesco had got a massive queue through the store. Somewhere else they went had got 18 copies coming in and 70 people queuing. They drove around for three hours looking for places who might have had it. In the end they went and bought it in the daylight the morning after. Then when they started playing it they were just disappointed at the new bits and thought it wasn’t worth it in the end.

Job Opportunities

Most of my lads are applying for the promotions which are currently on offer around the company. There are a total of 46 applying for about 8 jobs. I've tried to set them up with as much information as I can without giving them the interview questions. They are all iontelligent lads, but they still seem to give off the impression of schoolboys who have spent their spare time playing football or computer games instead of revising for their exams.