Something for the weekend

There’s a new sign in the men’s toilets, which gave us a laugh –
“Please do not deposit chewing gum in the urinals.
Please think of the cleaners who have to remove it.”
We decided to add :
“It doesn’t taste the same after.” On the bottom of it.

Alan is having a couple of days off next week, because his kids birthdays fall on the Monday and Wednesday. We thought it was an odd reason to take time off work, but he came back with “Some people take a whole week off and bugger off to another country” (I’d just come back from Italy).
He’s having a party for them, but Karen pipes up that he’s not doing them any jelly.
“They don’t like jelly.” Alan insists.
“They don’t like jelly? Or you don’t like jelly? He’s there saying to them “now kids, this is jelly, but you don’t like it, alright.” “Okay Daddy.” Do you let them have ice-cream?” asks Junior.
“Yes, I let them have ice-cream.” “What do they have with it?” I ask
“Fruit. They like all kinds of fruit.”
“It’s only a matter of time you know, when they get to school and see all the other kids eating sweets.”
“Oh. They have sweets occasionally, usually at the weekend. They’re granddad is a bugger for that. As soon as he sees them he’s waving sweets in front of them.”