Friday, 8 June 2007

Dan’s sore arse 2 - (Or his distrust of the medical profession)

Dan is worried about going into hospital for his operation on his shoulder, on Friday. The lucky bastard is having 4 to 6 weeks off work to convalesce. He’s worried that the surgeons are going to sexually abuse him while he is unconscious. I set him right, telling him that the surgeons will not be alone with him in the operating theatre, so it would be very unlikely that the surgeons would do anything untoward.
No. His real worry should be the hospital porters, who never get police checks done on them, and are all probably ex cons. They are the ones who will be alone with him while he is unconscious. He is now increasingly worried that he will wake up with a sore bottom.
“Oh! And the male nurses.”
“Yeah, they’ll all be batty boys.”
“I’m not going to be operated on if I get a male nurse.”
“Well, they change throughout the day don’t they? They all work shifts. So you might get tucked up by a gorgeous blonde nurse on the night time. You’ll probably dream about her all night. Then six o’clock in the morning (because they all start early) you’ll get woken up by some big hairy geezer threatening you with a bed-bath, before you’ve even had your cup of tea.
That’s even if he is a nurse. You know how bad hospital security is, he could be some mental patient who just happens to find a uniform and goes round touching-up patients.”

Dan looks increasingly worried. I think he’s going to put up with his bad shoulder.
“I imagine there are some nurses, or porters or anaesthetists who have their own website, where they post pictures of themselves doing depraved things with the unconscious patients. Then the first you’ll know about it, Other than your sore arse, is you become video stream of the week on U-tube.”

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