Monday, 25 June 2007

Knock off Nige

Knock-off Nige comes in late and explains that he’s spent the first part of the morning finishing off his DVD orders. When he came out, he said, it was really sunny. He looks out the window and it’s pouring down now.
“I put the cat out before I left this morning. He didn’t want to go either.”
We had to share our Mrs Sloacombe moment.
“You’re going to have a wet pussy waiting for you when you get home,” I tell him.

Like any workplace we have the one guy who sells dodgy DVDs and CDs around the office. He doesn’t charge very much for them, so he is quite popular. He has the latest titles (Fantastic Four/Silver Surfer is the latest one). But he must regret doing it at some times. On Wednesday he had to have the afternoon off to catch up with his DVD orders before he went away for two weeks. Then Thursday morning he had to spend a couple of hours finishing them off before work. Then there are the times when he gets asked for films which he’s never heard of. Sometimes they are really old films, other times someone has read that they are making a new film, and they ask for it even before it has even started filming. He laughs about all the adverts that tell you that he’s funding terrorists or drug smugglers, or has anything at all to do with organised crime. He’s just trying to save up for a new car before his old one conks out.
Occasionally he’ll hunt down box sets of TV series, like the Office or Futurama, but he’s drawn the line at Clive’s request for six series of Stargate. Clive keeps asking him to get it, but it’s not worth Nige’s time and money doing it if he’s only going to sell one copy. So lately Clive has taken to asking anyone who comes into the office if they like Stargate. People’s reactions to this can range from “no” to “what the hell is it”, and “that’s shit, you don’t watch that do you?”
He’s told him he needs to get five more people to want it before it’s worth doing. I think he’s found one other person interested if it’s cheap enough.
So lately whenever someone is discussing the TV (maybe one or two of the ladies are discussing Eastenders) Clive will pipe up “You don’t watch that rubbish do you?”
So we now have a put-down for him:
“Oh, but you’ll like next weeks episode. They find a portal through which they can travel through to different times and planets and have amazing adventures.”

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