Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Old post from before Fat Dave left

I promised this some time ago:

One February morning, before breakfast, we are discussing accents. Some staff in the office have, what us locals term as, posh accents. Alan has had trouble with his young girls attending nursery picking up “common” terms of phrase, either from the other kids or the staff at the nursery.
Alan: “That’s how it started – my youngest started saying mi’. Can ~I have mi’ Playstation on?. So I corrected her and said “you mean MY Playstation.” She said yeah. Then I said okay then. Then she walked off saying I’m going to put mi’ _Playstation on”
Me: “Who’s taught her that then? The girls at the nursery?”

We have a go at him for having a posh accent. He’s outnumbered in our office.

Alan: “It’s only because I was bought up in a small village in Somerset. She likes to take the piss out of my posh accent. Saying that I say Grarss instead of grass, and clars instead of class. She tells me I’m middle class, where as she is working class.”
Me: “Well, we don’t mind being working class, do we Eric?”
Eric: “Thanks for that. I did think of myself as lower middle class.”
Me: “Well, I hope that’s put paid to any aspirations you had in that department, with an accent like that.”

After breakfast I go into the toilets after breakfast and hear Dave in the next cubicle actually speaking on his phone (he used to disappear for half an hour at a time throughout the day). It sounds like someone he knows. He’s talking about his interview tomorrow to be an RSPCA inspector.
Dave: “What am I up to? I’m looking at all that RSPCA stuff…”
It’s as if he doesn’t realise there’s someone in the next cubicle. He is still carrying on with the emptying of his bowel as he talks to who ever. I don't think they appreciate he is on the toilet.
At one stage his voice changes as he strains a little.
I finish up, and have to flush the toilet. Surely whoever he’s talking to will notice that and realise he’s talking to them on the loo.
A few moments after I’ve flushed he is saying goodbye and hanging up the phone.
I come out and have to share with everyone. I turn to Alan and try to extract Eric from his concentration.

Me: “Talking about being common – I’ve just been in the toilet, and Dave is in there talking to someone on his mobile.”
Eric: “What having a shit at the same time?” (told you he was common)
Me: “Well that’s just it. He’s not stopping while he’s talking. He’s chatting away, and then you can hear straining in his voice, then the dropping noise into the water..”

Next time we see him going into the toilet Eric says "Another phone call do you think?"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Did he really go for a dump while he was on the telephone to someone? That's one of themost disgusting things I've heard.